Sitting there, listening to the wind in the trees, trying to read, I found myself composing in my head a letter to a person whom I've never met, but in recent days has exerted a profound influence over my thinking. I have been in the throes of the worst depression of my life. I've always suffered from depression, I realize now, but it's taken its form as a cycle, rather than a constant, in my life. This has been the lowest of low cycles, and it's lasted for far too long.
This is the letter:
Dear Sir,
We are not acquainted, and probably never will be. But you have shared your talent and your story, and I have been on the receiving end of your humor and your wisdom. I have seen you deflect praise or gratitude when offered to you, and I have heard you profess that you are only able to walk through your life as an honest person. You have said that "failure is not disgrace" and that as Americans, "we prepare for glory by failing until we don't." I can't tell you how deeply these words have touched me. My life has not gone according to any plan I ever made for myself, but I no longer feel like that makes me a failure. That's a weight I've carried around for most of my life. Now I'm able to put it down.
I'm still working my way out of the hole I've been digging, but I feel for the first time in a very long time that I'm making progress. I've adopted as my mantra, "Between safety and adventure, I choose adventure." Thank you for showing me that adventure is and always will be the better option.
With gratitude,
Kate
6 comments:
Nice letter.
@Kate:
Not that 'biting insects' was your point, but fleas love me. When I was married, our boys (cats) got fleas. Then I got fleas. Turns out not even fleas liked my ex, so we had that in common.
And your letter was wonderful.
Thanks, Steven.
So, Kate, what do you imagine your epiphany might/could be that would reawaken the bravery of your youth? What reignites our 'spirit of adventure' once we've done got all growed up? ;)
I've heard people say that when something scares them, that's a sign that they should do that thing. Maybe that's how. If it puts a little fear into you, do it.
When I was in therapy (I was in LA so gimme a break) I discovered that the things that frightened me most weren't as scary as imagined them to be. Once I tackled them, I was always like, "Man, that wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be..." As Nike says, just do it. If it's not badly prepared blowfish, you'll survive.
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