...I choose adventure. I used to do this. I pulled up stakes and moved to a new city two different times. I wasn't afraid of anything. Now, I'm afraid all the time. I'm wondering how and when that happened, and what happened to that girl who wasn't afraid.
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5 comments:
Just wanted to be the first to post a comment on the soon-to-be-reinvigorated Surveying the State of the Soul.
Re: Afraid I'm wondering if we're not as afraid when we're younger because we don't know any better. Monsters under the bed and the boogeyman in the closet scare us, but the real world is an abstraction that either doesn't seem real at all, or it's in our periphery and 'doesn't matter' because it's happening to someone else. Maturity and experience give voice to real fear, usually about the time we need bravery more than ever. Sucky timing.
Steven,
I'm sure you're right. When we're young we're just too stupid to know any better. I guess it's natural to become more fearful as we get older, but it's not how *I* want to live anymore.
~K
PS Thanks for making the first comment on my revived blog. Let's see how long I can keep it going!
I feel the same, Kate. I have no idea how to pull out of it, though. It doesn't help to also feel exhausted and to have a constant achy body.
E - I know. There isn't a moment of my life when I don't feel completely beaten down physically. I used to be so strong and active. Now it hurts to blink. :::sigh:::
@Kate & e:
I went through a pretty debilitating depression about, geez, five years ago now. I was afraid of everything. I had trouble driving. I had trouble walking down the street; I got anxious whenever someone was approaching me from the opposite direction and I hated walking past doorways. I know this was completely irrational because a 6'-4" black man walking in the San Fernando Valley in LA really doesn't have a whole lot to be scared of. lol!
'Pulling out of it' was hard. But it was possible. I discovered that the longer I fixated on something that was frightening me, the worse I built it up to be. When I finally tackled my fear, my response (to myself) was invariably, "Oh. That wasn't so bad." When I know, intellectually, that my fears are baseless, I just have to go for it. It ain't easy, but it usually works for me.
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