So Much On My Mind

I've got so much on my mind, but I can't get my thoughts to coalesce in any meaningful way in order to put them down here. I'm concerned for myself, for a friend, for the world. In that order.

I'm wondering about the concept of loving one's self. People say you can't love another until you love yourself. Well, I think that's bullshit. There are people in my life that I love so much I'd die for them. But I really don't like myself that much at all. I know that I have certain good qualities, but it seems that my inabilities far outweigh my abilities.

Crap. Never mind. My head hurts. I need chocolate.

Knowing the Way Out

A guy's walking down the street and he falls into a hole. The hole's so deep he can't climb out. After he's been down there a bit, his doctor walks by. "Hey Doc, I'm stuck down here, can you help me out?" Doctor writes out a prescription and drops it in the hole, and moves on. A while later, his priest walks by. "Hey Father, I'm stuck down here, can you help me out?" Priest writes out a prayer and drops it in the hole, and moves on. Eventually here comes his friend. "Hey Joe, I'm stuck down in this hole, can you help me out?" His friend jumps into the hole. Guy says, "Joe, are you crazy? Now we're both stuck down here!" Friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

As long as you've got a friend, you can always find the way out.

When I die I want someone to stand up at my wake and say "She was the best friend I ever had." If I can leave that as my epitaph, my life will have had meaning.

Isn't it Beautiful?

My new blog banner and color scheme were designed by my Sister-Friend and all-round artistic genius, Kathy. Isn't it just Bee-Yoo-Tee-Ful? I LOVE it. Thank you, Kathy! XOXO

Social Media

Today, I had my ass kicked by not one but two, count 'em, TWO, social media. I decided to create a Twitter account for a friend's business in the middle of a hack. Everyone's followers disappeared, searching didn't work, and who knows what else was screwed up.

Then I tried to solve a problem with the same friend's Facebook account(s). He had inadvertently created two accounts and couldn't figure out how to get rid of one of them. It finally dawned on me what the issue was, after hours of noodling and a chat with a friend who's more tech savvy than I will ever be. I'm just grateful I have a good memory for things like email addresses and passwords.

I am bushed. Wrestling with two social media problems in one day kicked my ass. So now I will go have a cup of tea and relax.

Belief

I don't believe in God. But I DO believe that I have a soul. I believe in the human spirit. Does that make me a hypocrite? Confused? Delusional? I don't know.

I don't believe that humans are the only living creatures who have a soul. I don't believe that we are the only sentient beings on Earth. I don't believe that humans are the only species that feel love. The four doggies who currently inhabit my life and depend on me for food, water and affection give me as much love as humans have.

I also don't believe that redemption can be found within a certain building, or faith, or creed. I believe that we make our own redemption.

I don't question anyone else's faith, or begrudge them their right to believe what they believe. We each have to come to our own conclusions about faith and God and such. I just don't want any one else to try to force their belief on ME.

That's what I believe.

Wind in the Trees

It has been an absolutely glorious day here on the Eastern Shore of Mary-land. I decided too late in the day that I needed to be out in the yard with a book and a beverage. I was able to sit there for a decent interval before the sun set behind the garage, and the mosquitoes decided to attack. There's something about my chemical make-up that can draw a mosquito to me from great distances. Would that I had the same power over funny, smart, sexy men. :::sigh:::

Sitting there, listening to the wind in the trees, trying to read, I found myself composing in my head a letter to a person whom I've never met, but in recent days has exerted a profound influence over my thinking. I have been in the throes of the worst depression of my life. I've always suffered from depression, I realize now, but it's taken its form as a cycle, rather than a constant, in my life. This has been the lowest of low cycles, and it's lasted for far too long.

This is the letter:

Dear Sir,

We are not acquainted, and probably never will be. But you have shared your talent and your story, and I have been on the receiving end of your humor and your wisdom. I have seen you deflect praise or gratitude when offered to you, and I have heard you profess that you are only able to walk through your life as an honest person. You have said that "failure is not disgrace" and that as Americans, "we prepare for glory by failing until we don't." I can't tell you how deeply these words have touched me. My life has not gone according to any plan I ever made for myself, but I no longer feel like that makes me a failure. That's a weight I've carried around for most of my life. Now I'm able to put it down.

I'm still working my way out of the hole I've been digging, but I feel for the first time in a very long time that I'm making progress. I've adopted as my mantra, "Between safety and adventure, I choose adventure." Thank you for showing me that adventure is and always will be the better option.

With gratitude,

Kate

Between Safety and Adventure...

...I choose adventure. I used to do this. I pulled up stakes and moved to a new city two different times. I wasn't afraid of anything. Now, I'm afraid all the time. I'm wondering how and when that happened, and what happened to that girl who wasn't afraid.

Failure is Not Disgrace

Or so says my current celebrity crush and 21st century guru, Craig Ferguson.

"We prepare for glory by failing until we don't." I've failed enough; time to grab the glory.